Don't say the baby looks healthy
Say "what a beautiful, healthy baby" in a Desi household and watch what happens: a small pause, and then someone will touch wood, or say mashallah, or "God's grace", or quietly make a gesture over the child.
What's believed
That admiration itself can cause harm — not malice, admiration. A baby too openly praised draws nazar, and may then fall ill, refuse feeds or cry without cause. It's why babies wear a black thread, and why there's a small black kajal dot placed deliberately on the cheek or behind the ear: to spoil the perfection slightly, so the child attracts less attention.
Where it comes from
Infant mortality. Within living memory, a healthy-looking baby could be gone in a week from something nobody could name. In a world with no explanation for that, a framework in which attention itself was the danger did two things: it gave grieving families a reason, and it enforced a social norm against display — don't parade your good fortune, don't invite envy, don't tempt whatever this is.
There's a social layer too. In communities living closely together, loud praise of one family's child in front of another's is genuinely awkward. Softening every compliment keeps the peace.
How to compliment safely
Add the softener and everyone relaxes: "mashallah, what a beautiful baby", "touch wood, he's doing so well", "God bless her". It costs nothing, it's exactly what everyone else in the room does, and unqualified effusive praise is the thing that makes older relatives visibly uneasy.
More: nazar and grandmother's warnings.
Last updated: 2026-08-11
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